officialunitedstates:

when I was 6 years old we were at the train station waiting for the train and I saw a kid a bit older than me go put a penny on a track and then wait for the train to run over it so it got flat and I got jealous and wanted to outdo him so I but a $1 bill on the track.  that was the day I found out paper is already flat

z1c:

being 20+ on tumblr

image

reallylameblog:

Don’t insult someone’s smile.what the fuck. It’s somethin that happens naturally when they’re happy just let them fuckin be why would you try to knock someone down like that

daenerystargayren:

being really into history is cooler than being into math or science… someone who likes math and science is called a “math nerd” or a “science geek” but someone who likes history is called a “history buff” because of their strong, sensual arms

pizzasexuals:

"i try to be funny but come off as rude 99.9% of the time" an autobiography by me

    Me:Who's a good boy?
    Dog:???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
    Me:YOU'RE A GOOD BOY!
    Dog:!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

maliciousmelons:

ive always hated kids

"did you hate yourself when you were a kid"

yes

slapdancing:

Date me now, i will get hot, im an investment