unprintable:

How do people do backflips and shit? like i can’t even flip my grilled cheese without fucking up

dammitmishaa:

So my friend came into school one day wearing a dress that had straps and the vice principal came up to her and said “You need to either change or cover your shoulders up because it’ll distract the boys” to which she replied “Well I find boys faces distracting, do they have to cover them up?” and the vice principal said “Maybe you should focus in class more.”

If that doesn’t tell you that things are messed up, then I don’t know what does. 

dutchster:

why do shampoo bottles weigh hardly anything but when you drop them in the shower they turn into a meteor

rneerkat:

mirror mirror on the wall. sofa sofa over there. desk desk in that corner. im so glad im getting this home renovation

suspend:

i hope iphone 6 is a flip phone

relahvant:

*puts metaphor between teeth* it’s a cigarette

whumf:

we’reくコ:彡 entering squid territory


 
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